The Joey and Jade Show

It may be funny. Or it may be entertaining. Or it may be too self-serving. It may be meaningless. It may be all that. Or not. Fact is, if you’re reading this, you are probably as bored as we are.

By Joey Dizon and Jade Maravillas

you see, when you're used to throwing big parties overflowing with alcohol and what-not every year on your birthday, you sort of start to get tired of it. not that any of it hasn't been fun and worth it, but it seems that this year, because there was a lot to get done and i've been a little busy with work and the band, i started to miss doing shit for fuck's sake. i mean, there's nothing that beats doing shit for... er, shit. doing stuff mainly because you want to, having no purpose whatsoever, having no reward, but just being able to say "godammit i'm doing this!" for the sheer humanity of it.

well there is something better: doing whatever with someone who knows what it's all about. yeap, as the title reveals, i got in touch with my BSB Fan Club co-founder Jade, sent her a shitload of questions that would undoubtedly keep her from getting any real work done for at least thirty minutes, and bugged her to do this with me. why? i have no idea. it could be because i miss hanging out with her a lot, or it just could be that it made sense to bug someone on the opposite side of the world since bugging just anyone who's in the country is easy as shit.

but honestly, i think i chose her simply because. so read 'em and weep, guys, girls and gays. this is what us professionals do while you're all concerned with matters of great consequence.

Q: First of all, how the hell did you two meet… and how did you sustain a rare, above-average diplomatic relationship between two human beings? (known as “friendship” to others, but sounds way cooler that way… and less gay)
Jade: He had me at “hellow poh.” In all seriousness, it was 2004, I was a mere publicist for Sony Music and he was a mere Managing Ed for Pulp. I like the word mere. It’s like the French word for shit if it lost a D. Oh sorry, back to Joey (although there’s a word somewhere in that previous sentence that I associate with him…) French? Joey? I think you’re better at this than me.
Joey: Yes, i think it was 2004. I was literally sleepless (as usual), and she dragged my ass to the then-Sony BMG office for a 6 a.m. phone interview with Slipknot. I knew there was something different about Jade because not even the fucking second coming could drag me out of bed that early. you know us blasphemers, we only come out at night. then strangely, it all worked out. or so we think it did.

Q: What was the first statement that popped in your head after spending 5 minutes with each other?
Jade: "Oh My Fucking God. he’s like, the coolest guy, like, I’ve ever met. I’m sleepy – I need coffee… coffee…"
Joey: "So... this is Jade from Sony. Why is she up this early? Fucking weird, man."

Q: Which musicians or what bands were the first you both liked?
Jade: Did we bond over BSB right away or was it Bloc Party? Kidding… I introduced him to Mae, he introduced me to Copeland, and it’s been true love ever since.
Joey: I think we both pretended to like Slipknot first. was a work thing. But yeah, the Backstreet Boys could have been it. She tried in vain to get me to listen to Jamie Cullum and other crap like that. But yeah, the Mae bit stuck to me, and the Copeland thing was a sign she was worth the time. And that we were both into gay music.

Q: What are you doing now?
Jade: Eating microwaved porkchop with whole wheat bread. Not kidding. I forgot to cook rice for lunch.
Joey: Smoking away, and working on an ice-cold bottle of Coca Cola and staring at a half-slice of Sbarro white pizza. Yeah i'm sure it seems gross and fattening to all of you, but you probably want it as bad as i do. mind your own business. can't you see me and jade are eating?

Q: What was the first band you both hated? Why? Please do not hold back, and feel free to use expletives if needed.
Jade: Skychu… oh wait sorry. BOTH of us hated? Hmmm that’s a toughie. Do we abhor any musical group collectively? Because I know you hate Bloc Party and I abso-fuckin-lutely love them. In fact I’m going to be spending a few hundred $ to see them at VFest in September. No shit.
Joey: Oooohhh... hehe, i sense somebody hates the fact that i hate bloc party. very mature. let's see... we both didn't care for much a lot of local mainstream bands here right? i think we both hate bloc party dude... so save your money. you just haven't realized that i'm right about them and you're, er... not right. but i am pretty sure i am right to say we both probably hate that god-awful nu-metal band disturbed, right? fucking sucks eggs man. trust me on this.

Q: What is your opinion of the Backstreet Boys? What is the real reason Kevin left?
Jade: We are co-presidents of the BSB Friends Forever Fan Club. (insert picture below for proof) Kevin left because he decided to move to Manila and spend the rest of his life with a certain Jose Dizon. (insert picture below for proof)
Joey: They're a great band man. honestly. we saw 'em when they were here in manila. nick said "hi" to me and that was great. it could have been he was saying "hi" to the girl with big boobs sitting behind me, but it felt like he was saying "hi" to me. so there. jade was lucky enough to be within a few feet. i was about ten feet away. boo.

Q: Seen a good film recently? Tell us about it. Or better yet, go straight to the ending.
Jade: Last movie I saw was Sex and The City. Shut up, I’m a girl. Big leaves Carrie for me.
Joey: Sex and the City?!! Jeez, alright, i'll shut up... but jeez. Fucking Iron Man for me man. Juhhhhn, jen, jun-jen-jen. Jen-jun-jen-jun-jen-jun- juhn- juhn- jen-jen!!! everybody now!!! Say you love satan!!! Been meaning to watch Kung Fu Panda... just meaning.

Q: Which gigs you both went to ended up being great ones? There probably aren’t a lot, but feel free to share… not because anybody cares, but because you can.
Jade: Hands down, BSB and Gary V (separately though) in Araneta Coliseum. The fulfillment of childhood dreams for the both of us. Maaan if I was home for Thursday that would have been another great one!!! And if you were here for Smashing Pumpkins, Rise Against, Mae… that would be sicccckkkkk.
Joey: Yeah, it'd have to be those two. i think they were the only twp shows we went to together... ah no wait! we did go to Good Charlotte, but technically that was work. and i wasn't shrieking like a girl at that one. Gary V was fun, it was also pretty memorable coz i think i sort of knew it would be the last concert we'd get to catch before yo left. Tama ba? or am i just being overdramatic about things again? anyway, i remember you couldn't finish the show and after i saw you off, the guard at the araneta center came up to me and said "ser, bakit 'di man lang tinapos ng kasama mo 'yung concert?" of course, i didn;t have a fucking answer so i blew smoke in his face.

i have since stopped going to concerts and having fun since you left. ay wait, loko lang. ano ako, gago? hehehe Thursday was great! so was Shadows Fall! you should have been here man. But then again, you got to see the Pumpkins, so i guess, i should have been there.

Q: What do you do for a living?
Jade: In all honesty, since most people don’t know who I am (but know who Joey Dizon is coz he’s populars like that) I used to be International Label Manager for Sony BMG in Manila and a part-time publicist. Now I work for Universal Music Canada’s Quebec distribution company DEP as Sales and Marketing Coordinator, I’m also a writer and photographer here in Toronto.
Joey: I piss people off for a living. Some people call me Editor-In-Chief, but most people just think i'm an arse. at least i'm not gay or shit like that. i also have a band... not that anyone out there cares or so. we're releasing an album soon, and jade's part of it, believe it or not.

Q: These gas prices, huh?
Jade: Who cares. I take the subway.
Joey: Yeah, tell me about it. oh, the other day, i just found out that i didn't give a flying fuck. life's never fair so quit your whining.

Q: Who among the two of you would probably win in a thumb-wrestling contest?

Jade: Thumb-wrestling??? Mud-wrestling!!! Oh bad visual…
Joey: I would. dude, have you seen me? i'd feel pretty embarassed losing to Jade. but then again, i remember her thumbs being extra buff. or were they someone else's thumbs?

Q: When will it all end?
Jade: That’s exactly what I’m thinking Joey… I have 5 more pages to answer???
Joey: the aztecs say 2012. i say: give me all your money and worship me. yes jade, you will answer every question i have sent you. cause you said you would.

Q: Which are cuter: a) puppies, b) kittens, c) bear cubs?
Jade: Kittens. Joey: Bear cubs man. Puppies and kittens don't have the ability to rip your head off when you're up to no good, pare.

Q: Describe Bloc Party.
Jade: Bloc Party is the greatest and most innovative band in the history of mankind because they have a black guy and an Asian guy. Yay.
Joey: Bloc Party is the musical equivalent of gayness. watching them is like watching a benetton ad... a gay benetton ad. why do i hate them so much? because i can. any guy who dances and calls himself a rock star should be shot in the streets.

Q: Was The Smashing Pumpkins reunion and album a good idea?
Jade: How can you call it a reunion if you only have 2 of the original members in the band??? Unless you’re Simon and Garfunkel. Or Hall and Oates.
Joey: Yes, anything they do is good. even if it's...bad. How can it not be? If you ask me, they're the shit. Plus, they also had an asian guitarist... once. If jade comes home, i'll immediately start plans for a SMashing Pumpkins tribute band. i'd be Billy Corgan of course, since i'm bald, and Jade could be Ginger Reyes/D'Arcy, since she looks as good as they do. plus she'll have to learn bass since i already know how to play guitar. so yes, my answer would be yes.

Q: So, come here often?
Jade: What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
Joey: No, only when i'm fucking hostile and kicking your teeth in.

Q: Did you know that on average, women say 7,000 words per day, and men manage just over 2,000 words?
Jade: (blank) Joey: No shit? whoever the hell told you i cared? if you ask me, EVERYBODY talks too damn much.

Q: What’s your favorite Bible verse?
Jade: The Lord Is My Shepherd (Psalm 23) because I won a speaking competition at 3 years old, I memorized the whole thing. That’s right. I was a Promil kid.
Joey: "Do what thou wilt shall be the mote of the law." Oops, sorry wrong bible... it'd have to be "All these things I will give You, if You fall down and worship me." pretty gnarly, climactic shit, if you ask me. but then Jesus declined. he got the cross for it.

Q: If money was no object, what gift would you give Joey/Jade next Christmas? Of course, it’s impossible, but it’d be nice to think of now, wouldn’t it?
Jade: I doubt if I can top what I gave Joey last year but I think he’d like two pairs of Puma Clydes in black and dark blue. O, ha. Next next year na lang yung kotse.
Joey: i'd start off with a private jet so that she could do her travelling shit and work and at the same time, have no excuse not to visit. then it'd probably be some camera i'd know nothing about so she could do the pictures-thing. then maybe a bass guitar for our Smashing Pumpkins/Hale tribute band. why the special gifts? coz she gave me the best gifts last year.

Q: Do ants fart?
J: What The Fuck?
Joey: Probably. I know they're made of vinegar or some shit like that.

Q: What ever happened to Glenn Medeiros?
Jade: He’s now living in Hawaii (yes, we’ve kept in touch because nothing’s gonna change my love for…)
Joey: hung out with Bobby Brown too much. he's probably singing "she ain't worth it now" and is as high as as a fucking kite.

Q: Choose: a week on the beach, countryside, or massage parlor?
Jade: Massage parlor only if my tour guide is the great “direk” RA Rivera.
Joey: massage on the beach for one week. then after that, i'd jump in the water to end it all.

Q: Top five ballads. Go.
Jade: Too many to mention. Sorry Joey I don’t make lists unlike you.
Joey: Boo, Jade, Boo! 1) "Sana Maulit Muli" by Gary Valenciano. 2) "Hanggang Ngayon" by Kyla. 3) "Miss You Like Crazy" by Natalie Cole. 4) "Never Let You Go" by faith Evans, and 5) "You Got It All" by The Jets. Easy as a shit-pie.

Q: Top three Boyz II Men songs. Go.
Jade: Okay maybe I can attempt to answer this. “Doin Just Fine”, “One Sweet Day”, “On Bended Knee”, “A Song For Mama” and “Can You Stand The Rain”. I had to go with 5, BIIM are awesome.
Joey: i'm gonna have to go with the mainstream hits on this one Jade. They're pretty much the reason how i found out about them anyway: 1) End of the Road. 2) "Four Seasons of Loneliness" because Shawn;s falsetto lines are simply da shit. and 3) "On Bended Knee" because they sound like they're all dying in the end.

Q: Top 2 boy band songs. Go. And top 2 worst boy band songs. Go.
Jade: Best: “Until The Time Is Through” by 5ive, “The Day We Find Love” by 911... Oh my god! there’s just too many to mention!!! Worst: there are no bad boy band songs. Even the really bad ones are just so darn good.
Joey: hmm...5ive! impressive, impressive, i must say. your knowledge of boybands amazes me. but i'll have to go with 1) "All or Nothing" by O-Town. i mean, "i've had the rest of you, now i want the best of you?!!!" fuck that's so motherfucking nasty! and they were loud n' proud about being a manufactured group. that took some balls. for my number two choice, i dunno... i'll probably have to go with "Freaky Time" by Point Break. and you're right, you can't go wrong with boy band songs. they sound good even when they're crappy.

Q: Imagine yourself looking into the mirror. What’s the first question on your mind?
Jade: Is that a new pimple? Wait are we getting Boy Abunda-ish here???
Joey: "Since when did i get a fucking mirror?"

Q: Quote a favorite line from a song a lot of people know. Or maybe three favorite lines… so that even people with no taste in music have a shot.
Jade: "I never had a dream come true, till the day that I found you…"
Joey: "Auschwitz, the meaning of pain, the way that i want you to die/slow death , immense decay, shadows that cleanse you of your life/ Surgery, with no anesthesia..."

Q: If you had an album, independent release or major label release?
Jade: Indie for distribution under a major. Naks.
Joey: Same here. Jade will probably be the only person to give it the time of day, so sige... fight.

Q: Usher or Justin Timberlake?
Jade: Usher circa 2004
Joey: Usher. Then he'd jam with Justin circa N'Sync.

Q: New hoodie or new sneakers? Why? Are you sure?
Jade: New sneakers to add to my growing collection (27 as of last count). I only have 2 hoodies. Yes I’m sure.
Joey: Hoodie. Guys need an average of about 4.5 pairs of shoes. anything more than that is just plain gay.

Q: What do you think of basketball?
Jade: Overrated.
Joey: retarded. ten guys fighting and sweating like pigs over one ball. why not just buy one each and leave each other alone since they all get such humongous paychecks?

Q: Describe the perfect meal. We’re talking drool-worthy.
Jade: I’ve had a lot of 5-star, gourmet dishes in my life but the only meal that’s ever given me a foodgasm (that I still remember) was roadside roast chicken with sticky rice in Krabi, Thailand. YUUUUMMM!
Joey: The lobster main course in Skoshi Koom in Okinawa, Japan. Lemon butter, perfect stuffing... has been almost two decades since i've had it, but i remember vividly how good it tasted.

Q: Coke or Pepsi? You can’t answer neither. Why? Because.
Jade: Coke.
Joey: Coke. Pepsi is for mormons and morons. Plus Coke is devilishly good because it's red. you figure it out.

Q: Vanilla or chocolate?
Jade: Chocolate.
Joey: Vanilla. Makes everything happier and sweeter. Chocolate's overrated.

Q: Would you be willing to trade jobs?
Jade: And deal with the hate-mail??? No thank you.
Joey: Nah... then Jade would be stuck in the Philippines and I'd be in Canada. Ganun din, so wag na lang. sniff*

Q: Tell us about your worst experience riding a cab.
Jade: Intramuros, 2002. Let’s just say there was drugs involved, and not involving the passengers.
Joey: Two nights ago. there were no drugs, but there was the driver's bodily gases and a good, strong aircon unit involved. oh and he tried to ask for an extra fifty bucks. i could have killed him. i really could. what stopped me? knwoing that the rest of his life would be miserable and that he'd die as a lonely fuck.

Q: Life. Ain’t it a bitch?
Jade: And then you die.
Joey: hey, don't look at me... i wasn't the one who said "love thy neighbor and be all groovy and shit to each other."

Q: If you were to be jailed for life, what law would you be least regretful of breaking?
Jade: The law of physics
Joey: hehe good one, Jade. i dunno... the law of gravity? i know, i know, tis lame. but this is my blog, so if you think it's lame you're very much welcome to get the fuck out of here and read someone else's blog you fucking internet geek. i'll kill your family. all of your families!!! whoops, sorry, i get upset sometimes... it's just these... voices... inside... my...head. they're calling me... vincent? is that you VINCENT?!!!

Q: Describe music to a deaf person. Yeah, it’s a stupid, cheesy question, but answer it.
Jade: Music pays my bills. Yes, that’s true, and that’s a clever way of avoiding getting cheesy with this question.
Joey: music is the stuff that makes your crotch go insane yet is perfectly legal and moral, even to the most devout catholic or jesus-freak.

Q: Which celebrity is hot? Which celebrity is not?
Jade: Oh you know who I just discovered yesterday? This Pinoy guy Vincent Bueno who won the Austrian talent show. He is HOT!!! Who’s not? Half the people in local showbiz who just get by on their questionable mestizo facades. I dare not name names not because I’m scared but because my lunch break is almost over and enumerating each and every person is just going to take time folks.
Joey: i dunno. locally, i'd say... hmmm... i'll go with... nobody. but Elisha Cuthbert really got to me in "Girl Next Door." i wanted to kill myself after watching that. but i didn't.

Q: If they made your life into a movie, how long would it be? And yes, yes, who would play you?
Jade: The standard 1.25 hours because anything resembling 2 hours makes it qualify as an epic movie and I spend half my time stalking other people’s blogs anyway so those can be chucked on the editing board. Who would play me? An Asian Scarlett Johanssen, because according to Francis “Koks” Reyes I remind him of her. Nakampuch walang bayad yun ha. If she’s not available according to Yael Yuzon back in 2005 I remind him of Elisha Cuthbert in “The Girl Next Door”. Patay. Yan na. Porn star. Who do you think would play me Joey?
Joey: wow, Elisha Cuthbert playing you... that would be great. my movie would be like fucking 24 hours long. it'd be my entire life story. the young joey would be played by the kid in "The Sixth Sense." then the teenager Joey would be played by Dave Navarro. Then the present-day Joey would be played by Kenan Thompson (of Nickelodeon's "Kenan and Kel") then the old me would be played by Al Pacino circa "Scent of a Woman."

Q: If your life was made into a book, who would you authorize to write it?
Jade: Jose “Joey” Dizon III
Joey: i dunno. i'd write it myself to save money.

Q: What’s the story behind your Hale cover-band?
Jade: Our honest shared love for Hale’s first eponymous album, our excellent cover of “The Day You Said Goodnight” including harmony (!!) and wanting to have Omni as our drummer. Oh yes, sober Saguijo nights brings out our creative best.
Joey: Good ol' fashioned boredom, if you ask me. yes it's funny, not a single drop of alcohol when it happened... so you could just begin to imagine what could of happened if we WERE drinking... we'd probably be rich rockstars now.

Q: What is the capital of Turkey?
Jade: Ankara. One of my best friends grew up here.
Joey: ask Jade.

Q: What do you do when you have no money?
Jade: Hustle
Joey: be a prick. oh wait... i do that ALL the time. so... i dunno. i whine?

Q: Favorite alcoholic drink?
Jade: BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joey: Depends. Jim Beam is really starting to become my favorite. But yeah, i would probably just drink beer if Jade was around. she already knows too much about me.

Q: Sausage, Pepperoni or Veggie?
Jade: Sausage party!
Joey: eeeewwwwww! now that just spoiled it for everyone now, didn't it Jade? Ugh. Disgusting.

Q: React to the following: a) Madonna. b) Christianity. c) Socks.
Jade: a) ang ganda ng lola mo! b) I’m a devout Catholic so nothing offensive to write here, let’s leave that to Joey c) I only loved socks when I moved to Toronto. Socks keep my feet warm in the winter. I don’t mind getting socks for Christmas anymore. Socks are <3.>
Joey: a) not bad for someone who's been in the music business for more than three decades now. b) the best business in the world. c) whatever people say, white ones rock harder than black ones.

Q: Top three reasons it sucks that you’re in different countries.
Jade: No more 2 hour-long coffee breaks. *sniff sniff*
Joey: 1. no more 2-hour long coffee breaks too. 2. no more going to other people's offices and prying through their CD collections and what-not. 3. no more fun. period.

Q: Willy Reviallame. Hero of the masses?
Jade: Is he still alive? I don’t get TFC here.
Joey: Stupid. Just plain stupid.

Q: What would you name your new pet? Seriously.
Jade: I don’t want to think of pets right now (I’m still in mourning)
Joey: new kitten? Mittens. new puppy? George. new bear cub? Bear Bear.

Q: Up all night? Or early to bed, early to rise?
Jade: Sleep all day!
Joey: up all night. don't ask why. some call it guilt. i call it "caffeine."

Q: Which is scarier: vampires or werewolves? Which would you, if needed, rather go up against?
Jade: I think vampires are sexxxy. You don’t see emo kids calling themselves werewolves. And I think emo kids are the sexxx. *barfs*
Joey: scared like a bitch of both. i'd probably freeze if i saw any of 'em. it'd be a really pathetic death... without a fight, screaming like a faggot.

Q: Which would you rather be true: ghosts or aliens?
Jade: Santa Claus!
Joey: Me too! Me too! ok lang kung ghost basta si Casper. or si Patrick Swayze. The he could slap some sense into demi moore.

Q: Make a haiku about Joey/Jade. Or make up something that rhymes. Doesn’t have to be good.
Jade: Joey joey boboney bananafanafofoney
Joey: wish jade was here. then give me money. lots. and hoodie. beautiful blue sky meets red sun and resilient bamboo and japanese lantern and gyoza and shit like that. that haiku-ish enough?

Q: Is it just me, or is it you?
Jade: It’s just you and me baby.
Joey: Oo nga e.

Q: Best hotel you’ve stayed in?
Jade: Hotel Intercontinental in Sydney and Gallery Hotel in Singapore.
Joey: The Courtyard by Marriott Shanghai in Pudong, China. I don't know... being at the penthouse for an entire week was just magical. made me think about a lot of things. really.

Q: Best place you’ve been to?
Jade: I left my heart in Melbourne and I’m coming back to get it.
Joey: it's a toss between China and Singapore. I was too young to enjoy California, and like i said, i found out about a lot of things in China... it was the saddest and the happiest i had ever been outside Manila. Singapore was just great coz i close to three thousand US dollars in my pocket and was buying everything is sight for fuck's sake. it made me feel... okay. ha! money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a lot of cool stuff. and know... it did not make me feel empty inside. so there. take that you jesus-freaks!

Q: Where do you find peace?
Jade: Spending a day with myself. Eating alone, walking around alone, taking pictures – perfect day. I also found peace on top of Pre Rup (Angkor, Siem Reap, Cambodia), Easter Sunday, 2007.
Joey: I'd have to agree with Jade. eating, traveling and walking around alone. sure it's sad sometimes, but it seems i've learned to like it that way. wouldn't mind it if Jade went home once in a while and joined me for a reasonable japanese meal from time to time, though. whaddayasay Jade? your treat. sagot ko soy sauce.

Q: Last time you cried so hard it was pathetic?
Jade: Last week when I had to give my cat back to the Humane Society. I still don’t want to talk about it.
Joey: Ex-girlfriend thing. Same here. I still don't want to talk about it.

Q: For or against?
Jade: Rise Against!
Joey: Now we're talking! Rise Against! Fuck yeah!

Q: Politics or showbiz?
Jade: Is there even a difference?
Joey: Yes, there is. Celebrities are paid more. people are actually stupid enough to hand over their money. Politicians are just plain thieves.

Q: Worst thing you ever saw in your entire life?
Jade: Human roadkill
Joey: People killing dogs, cats and seals for fun. People and cockroaches should be killed for fun, not harmless animals.

Q: Finished?
Jade: HOORAY!
Joey: Oh i'm just getting warmed-up...

When People (and Parts of Me) Pass Away

it's funny how i used to have so much shit to write about. albeit it was mostly ranting and meaningless shit, i always found time to at least say a few things here, whether or not anybody cared to read or what-not. i guess i just used to be moved by things a lot easier than now. i wonder why.

you see, a lot has happened since my last lame post. more concerts, more great shows, a hell of a lot more drinking binges with buddies. many people in my life went through changes, i've ended relationships and started new ones and plan to end and start a few more in the near-future. but for some, weird reason, i no longer felt the need to write about it.

it could have been that i've been busy with the band, or maybe a little busy with work. but it seems kind of fucked that i had nothing to say about all that. there were numerous attempts, believe me... but none pushed through. it's been a long while since events in my life erupted into 30-minute, thousand-word marathons here.

which has got me kind of worried. this possibly means i'm no longer angry, or i've given up and settled for second, or i'm just not motivated as much by the simpler things.

or do i actually not care anymore? i've always talked about it, but am i finally walking the walk? it doesn't seem to be as cool as i thought it would be. not-giving-a-fuck.

jesus christ. it's actually kind of stupid to be thinking aloud about shit like this.

+++

or i might have trouble catching up with myself. and the shit that has happened around me.

in the past month or so, a few people who i've known for the longest time and who have seen me grow up from a small kid from Okinawa to the moron i am now, passed away. i'll admit, it wasn't all Partidge-family-like between me and those people, but they were faces i felt belonged in my life and would remain there for the longest time. from the dude who had hand-sewn all my high school and college uniforms, to the nice old lady who lived near our house (who was always involved in volunteer work and always said a polite "hi" when we see each other on the street) to the friendly guy who owned a small store across our house who provided me with all my basic needs for more than two decades: candy, soda pop, crappy local toys, then eventually beer, then ciggies then what-not. then it was my barber's wife, who was almost always there when i went to get a haircut. the guy who shaves my head now is the same guy who cut my hair since the fourth grade. it was terrible sight to see the guy almost break down when he told me what happened, as he was sharpening his razor and planting a firm grip on my head.

again, even if these people weren't really what most people would say "close to me," there was definitely a kind of bond that i had with each of them. and when i heard the news on each of them passing away on four consecutive weekends, even though i wanted to be sad about it, i just couldn't feel anything. it made me disappointed with myself. it made me feel guilty that i wasn't emotional about it. it was a terrible, terrible feeling... not... feeling.

i dunno what to call it.

but now, as i write this, it seems to all be coming in. it's as if all these thoughts and emotions are rushing into my head so quickly, it feels like my head's gonna burst and splatter all sorts of brain and skull bits.

and for once in my adult life, i don't want my head to burst. even though i've always joked about it.

i'll miss those people. they now make me miss who i was all those years. probably because the person who i was to them has passed away too.

i need a cigarette.

and some ice for my head.

Intolerant Opens For Shadows Fall

Let The Good Times Roll, Motherfuckers!

PULP presents: Shadows Fall Live in Manila
(feat. Intolerant, Valley of Chrome and Sin)
March 15, 2008
A-Venue, Makati Avenue, Philippines

Coffee Talk

we've got our hearts dipped in time release–
we've got the know-how, and the elbow grease...
we've got our victim all cut-up down here on the floor
(over and out the door...)

+++


i've learned over the years that there are many kinds of conversations with many kids of different people. sometimes... actually most of the time, it's bullshitting and the only real question after the whole shenanigan is whether or not the experience was funny, entertaining or just plain worthless and irritating. i mean, be it friends, co-workers, whatever- the world is plenty of B.S. reason why i mostly choose to keep my mouth shut when i'm out.

but then, there are certain people and certain conversatons i truly enjoy, being the notorious chain-smoker and coffee-guzzler i am (we're talking REAL brewed coffee here, not some fancy, whipped cream, cherry-on-top bastardization all these fucking fashion victims like to death). most of these conversations are one-on-one, and i notice that time passes pretty fast when i find myself engaged in one.

however, don't be fooled that there's any deep, intelligent, emotional exchange between me and my java buds engage in. we fucking talk about the most retarded things. but they all have one thing in common: they make sense to us.

during the second week of january, i got an unexpected call from mau, a friend i affectionately call "Octopus." i haven't been able to hang out with her in ages, and we're both pretty busy with work these days so not much for hanging out has been possible for about more than a year now. though it was simply too sassy and icky to admit that we missed each others' company, you coould tell by opur conversation that a lot of catching up was in order. though i can barely remember the 4-hour plus exchange between the two of us, i can remember the topics/arguments of our little sub-convos:

1. the color yellow sucks becasue it reminds you of piss
2. starbucks' making a stuffed toy of a rat to clebrate 2008 was a stroke of genius
3. an argument if ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends should have little or no business with each other
4. more reasons why i should never be taught how to drive
5. more reasons why i should never be taught to speak in Cebuano
6. easy living tips (how to eat without having to wash dishes, how to have a party without the effort and hard work...)
7. rice cookers and microwaves rock
8. the pre and post-holiday blues
9. why 2008 might just be a good year
10. life at present

i know, i know... definitely not impressive to chronicle or whatever, but the best thing about hanging out with mau i guess is the fact that it takes no effort to do so. i mean, if people could only hear the political incorrectness and the sheer nonsense of our opinions, they'd probably burn us at the stake. but that's what makes the whole thing special: they can't, and we share something only two octopuses can.

actually, in the past few days i have been enjoying more talks with more people, one at a time still, and found that it somehow makes sense when all you got is an open ear and someone else sitting across you. the pssibilties are endless. just when you think you want to scream and fucking lash out after going through so much shit, the real answer to everything is knowing how to listen.... and knowing when the company you're with is full of shit.

i like to think that even if you talk shit and talk about nonsense, it's what both you and the person you talk to get out of it is what really counts.

and i can say that i basicall got stuff i'll tell over and over again til my dying day.

or maybe i'm just missing a lot of my friends these days.

twas nice seeing you, mau.

+++

I guess we only settle in to what we know...
I guess we always settle in, and we know:

that there is comfort in a world where darkness is the only thing we see -
and cold is all we have to breathe.
where affectations keep us company ,
where the lies we tell to the eyes that roll in doubt-
are somehow out of our control ...

Endings. Beginnings. And Shit You Just Want To Forget. (Single Words Are For Bullshitters)

it has been a while since i wrote anything personal... like REALLY wrote. occassionally, i'd be thinking to myself: "holy shit! i'm running out of fucked-up shit to say" or "holy crap, i'm burning out!" it's surprising, but i seem to be getting a lot of actual work done... which is pretty good, considering the fact that honest people pay me money to write. it's just a little weird for me i guess, being the guy who's always complaining about this shit and that shit, the guy who always has an opinion regardless if anybody and everybody's asking for it.

maybe i'm not so pissed off anymore. am i actually (take a deep breath) "fine?"

that's what's been fucking with me for the past few weeks. not that i'm losing sleep over it though. it's just something i think about whenever i'm in the shower, or sitting on the toilet, or having lunch solo.

the holidays were quite amusing. not great or anything spectacular, but fitting enough for someone like me to write about. though the usual work load was a tad double-timed so i could have the luxury to party, i found myself breezing through the stuff that had to be done. a few misses but a lot of hits, if i may say so myself. great parties, lots of wine, even more packs of marlboros, lots of great music. it was nice seeing friends. getting presents, and being greeted. and even though there was a definite air of caution with the christmas and new year festivities, i managed quite a few half-smiles and got through many hours without looking back on past events that have ultimately defined who i am today.

on christmas eve, i got to spend time with my mom in church (of all places... go figure) and i was pretty roud since i knew it was one of the most unselfish things i could give since it would make her happy. then i slept christmas day away... which made ME very happy. then the day after that, i went to work, then was pleasantly surprised that Jade, who was home for the holidays, was in the area. great talk, nice food, and the best christmas present i received so far in the past four years: a fucking plain black hoodie that was just the right fit and just the right style. and in the bag it came in was a DVD of Slayer's Still Reigning concert. fucking great. what can i say? there are people who actually know what i'm about. and she is truly missed as she is now back in canada. jade is so... perceptive-and-lacking-of-bullshit. too bad she didn't meet the rest of the troop.

and in the remaining days of '07, i was able to undergo quite a few 25-hour hangout marathons with buddies and, well, people worth-the-time, in general. i like that phrase: "worth-the-time." "worthwhile" may actually be the more correct and eloquent term, but hyphenated phrases stress points. single words are just for intellectual bullshitters.

yet there were certain instances where i almost lost the groove. i was thrown off by a couple reminders, messages and other shit that i really worked hard on shoving into the back closets of my psyche. call it an escape, or call it cowardice, but there are just some thigns that deserve to be there. and they actually tried to resurface during the last days of the year. some unconsciously, some a little helped by instances i always knew would come anytime, anywhere... but hoped so much that it would never come, knowing that i hadn't planned how to act out in these situations. you can't plan for shit like this... you just have to feel your way through it. and most of the time, "feeling your way" means "fucking screwing up big time."

reconcillations were offered. half-apologies carelessly uttered. reasons were thrown to the wind.

forgiveness was sought. sympathy was asked for. new friendships were suggested.

i gave... none.



i don't mean to be a cold, selfish son of a bitch... but it's a matter of self-preservation.

it's a matter of NOT doing anything when something is expected of you because you know you're entitled to that right. it's a matter of being angry with an ineffable amount of class: you're fucking hostile but cool enough not to let it show. it's a matter of principle... not to make mountains out of molehills that shouldn't actually be there in the first place. it's a matter of learning from your mistakes by letting your past become one of those small, yellow post-its on your refrigerator; shit you want to ignore, but somehow need to remember.

it's about not letting your guard down. no one is invincible, yet it's all about harnessing all the negativity and all the bullshit you've been through and being human enough to admit to yourself that it all really happened.

i guess the real trick is still yet to be accomplished: when one finally gets rid of the yellow post-its. hopefully, i'll get there in this lifetime.

so in some major way, i remain thankful for the yearender memories and look forward to slugging it out in '08. it's all i can do, really... but those worth-the-time instances will keep me company.

I'm gonna ride this plane,
out of your life again
I wish that I could stay,
but you argue...

I'll do anything for you...
kill anyone for you.

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I won't be coming back
In a phrase to cut these lips,
I loved you...

Let Me Know When It's Christmas

i have a bit of a love/hate relationship with the christmas season in manila.

i remember when i was a kid growing up in Okinawa, Japan, that christmas was always something i looked forward to. to sum up all the small details, it was always an all-american christmas for me between the ages of kindergarten and the fourth grade... we lived on-base so i was surrounded by mostly american people, save for the handful of asian/mexican/black american people who also had parents in the service. i knew nothing about the Philippines and its holiday traditions, so christmas meant wearing sweaters and my pajamas all throught the entire day, waking up to the smell of hot cocoa and hefty breakfasts which consisted mainly of waffles, breakfast sausages, ham, bacon and marmalade, and sitting near the christmas tree and flicking the ornaments while i watched cartoons all day. my mom must've loved it too, since i wasn't the pain in the ass brat that i was: lost in my cartoon world, watching the chipmunks and charlie brown christmas specials for the nth time, quiet... thinking nice thoughts. in fact, we all weren't morons: my sister, my dad... we all had our little personal quiet times during the days before christmas, and we unconcsciously made it a point to be... well, good. we each had stockings even though we didn't have nor need a fireplace, and they were all overflowing with gifts and candy and all that nice shit.

but then we all grew older. and after my dad retired from the military, we all came home here.

you see, it's not that i've never had a great christmas here in the RP. it's just that, maybe, i guess people tend to hang on a little too tight to the best memories. you can't blame us for that.

anyway, i've been here for a hell of a long time... and i've adjusted quite well, in the sense that no one would mistake me for being an american citizen or would think that i never spoke filipino or spent my childhood travelling. but it seems i've never been able to experience that magic i remember so vividly during those times overseas. i dunno, maybe it's because the christmas season there wasn't so extended... compared to manila where the -ber months signal the start and the end of the first week of january signals the end of the holiday season. i mean, maybe it's because there's so much pre- and post- partying that the actual day ends up being a day to sleep-in. i dunno.

all i know is i'd give anything to feel those magical moments again. i'm seriously considering spending christmas next year somewhere else; in a different country maybe. i know it'll be sad, and i know i'll miss the RP once i'm there counting down the seconds on christmas eve, but maybe that's what i need: the feeling of actually wanting...longing to spend christmas here. fuck, i might as well join the other hardworking OFWs abroad. they seem to be having the most fun every christmas here in our country.

regardless of whatever i said above, i guess the feeling just weirds me out. that ol' bittersweet tingling and tugging at the heartstrings. considering that i love the fact that it's nice and cold and that i've gotten a shitload of great stuff already and that everybody's at least TRYING not be as moronic as they normally are (save for, again, the bus drivers and jeepney drivers who cause traffic till midnite on EDSA, and the asshole cab drivers who don't give you change because, er, its christmas...), christmas is just, plain... lonely, in more ways than one. think of it as a yin-yang thing: in our happiness, we remember the sad stuff. in finding comfort and warmth with the people around us, we suddenly miss those who cannot be beside us. in receiving great gifts, we're somehow reminded that there are thousands starving, for either material shit or, well, acceptance.

call me cynical, call me crazy, whatever. all i know is, Hallmark must make a killing out of people like me. there's always that one, perfect and ridiculously over-priced card for every occassion... even bittersweet christmases.

so what is there to do? nothing. i ain't crazy enough to go out and buy a shotgun and blow my brains out.

but it somehow makes sense for me to go out and buy a shotgun and blow somebody ELSE'S brains out.

ho-fucking-ho.


+++

so in an attempt to combat this boredom and general unproductivity, i present you my list for the day.

THE TOP 5 TANGIBLE THINGS I GOT (EITHER PARTLY OR ENTIRELY) BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS

1. a new guitar. even though i'm addicted to music and playing the guitar, i always believed that one is all any musician ever needs. but since i was feeling a tad fuzzy and generous, i made it happen so that i could get myself a new axe. a Paul Reed Smith. welcome to the family, you-expensive-piece-of-wood. you shall sit beside my main Ibanez RG470 axe, and my demonic 666 Gibson Nighthawk. now all i have to do is think of how i can make this PRS a servant of satan.

2. a new cellphone. i actually hate spending on cellphones. i mean, the most important thing is that i can call and send text messages, and have at least one mindless game installed so i can kill time when waiting for spectacularly late friends/bosses/clients, and during spectacularly boring meetings/dinners/sundays. but i decided to get a fancier unit this year, since the prices dropped because everybody and their fucking brother is buying a CP. i could've bought a decent guitar with the money i used to buy this new thingie... but oh well.... 'tis all good.

3. the more-than-usual-amount-of-cash. sudden bonuses. the fact that everybody's lazy so they throw extra jobs/tasks your way in exchange for the higher-than-usual honorarium. hell, even my band, Intolerant, is making money. i mean, i ain't rich by a long shot, but surprisingly, i've had fucking money in my wallet every fucking day for the past two months. wow, NOT finishing college and learning how to literally stay up for days is finally paying off. whoopty-fucking-do!

4. alcohol, mostly beer. my friends know me so well. i've gotten cases and cases of beer, bottles and bottles of red wine and shot glasses and coasters all that shit. and it isn;t even christmas yet. and wherever i go, when i see someone i know, a bottle or a shot glass is thrusted in my hands. fuck, no wonder everybody's nice. it's because everybody's drunk and out of their minds. which is...quite nice, actually...

5. a new hoodie. well, it might not seem so great for you guys (and gals) out there, but let's see you put on a hoodie in the middle of summer. it's just plain stupid. you wouldn't last 30 minutes with a hoodie onif christmas was in april. fucker.

Now Presenting: The Word of the Year

retarded: \Re*tard"\ (adj) : relatively slow in mental or emotional or physical development

like most writers, i am addicted to lists: the top five songs to rock out to, the top five composers, the ten most outstanding whatever, the three best vacation destinations, the 20 most influential this and that...whatever. if it occupies space and time, i'll list it down among other things that also share its existence, and rank 'em and do whatever for nothing. call it a habit, call it the will to be productive in generally small, useless doses, but don't call it uninspired. you can't... i'm not sure whether or not the entire human race (or at least a good 5% of the country's total population will benefit from these lists... but scram if you don't like it).

anyway. i've finished writing most of my lists (and storing some in the backroom of my puny brain...), except for this particular one. it's not actually a list. i actually hoped it would be, but as most people know, i didn't really go out as much this year, therefore, didn't really get to interact with so much people (i.e. talk, laugh, drink, etc.)

so instead of a Top Five Words for the Year 2007, i only have one. you guessed it, the word on top. bingo. you are a genius.

anyway, i think "retarded" best sums up the entire 2007. why? because everything was. not only personal shit limited to the plainview of yours truly... i'm talking EVERYTHING. every-fucking-thing!

so instead of coming up with a personal essay and wasting more time trying to edit the whole damn thing to make sure it's coherent and has substance and the thoughts are organized and all that crap they tried teaching us back in journalism school (only a small percentage of people i went to college with actually became writers...), i made a (drum roll, please...) list. whoopty-fucking-do.

The Top Ten Reasons Why "Retarded" Is The Word Of The Year

10. two words: Ortigas Elevators i've ridden way better ones 20 years ago in Okinawa, japan.

9. five words: People-Who-Ride-Ortigas-Elevators they complete my daily existence, nonetheless. but why
can't they die?

8. it's a tie! between: three letters: M-R-T it's the women and children who love to shove... i say take away their
rights to be the first ones saved in case of a nuclear holocaust or natural disaster. every man for himself! and
again, three letters: L-R-T it's worse because people are actually EXPECTED to act worse since it's the cheap-o
version of progress and economic growth (...my ass!)

7. busses and jeeps: they're filthy, cause traffic and automatically carry an average of two retards per vehicle– the
retard handing out the tickets/change, and the retard behind the wheel. two is already too much. and this is not
counting the retard who sits beside you and pretends to be sleeping when you're trying to pay the fare, or the retard
mother who won't keep her pesky little brats in check.

6. crooked cops... can you believe i got in trouble with the cops twice in a span of 5 months this year?!!

5. Willy Revillame and Wowowee because they abuse the fact that there are more retards than normal people in
this country

4. People Who Watch Willie Revillame and Wowowee (they're a lot worse because they choose to be
retarded and are practically begging to be treated like retards)

3. Heroesi know, i know, it may very well be a good show... but because people can't fucking stop talking about it
every chance they get, it sort of ruined it for people like me who are trying to get work done when it's supposed to be
done. thanks a lot, retards! besides, what's so amazing about superheroes? if you ask me, none of 'em "heroes" can
do anything that satan can.

2. "rock" music 2007 it's dead. now every fucking nerd and whimp thinks he/she can start a band. every fucking
major corporation is making money more than the actual musicians do. now every-fucking-body thinks that it's
"cool" and "hip" and "accepted." nothing can be any more retarded. as most of you know, MTV is to blame for this.
plus all these crappy, poster-boy-bands with instruments. and people think I'M fucked for listening to Boyz II Men.

-and number one, numero uno, the tops, the one that takes the cake, the definitive reason of all:

1. the state of the nation. the bombing of glorietta and the house of representatives, Trillanes' fucking up big-time,
the recent "curfew," food poisoning in the provinces, the government's lack of support to victims and would-be
victims of natural disasters, etc. i mean, there simply is no greater reason as to why "retarded" is the word of the
year.


next year, our word for the year would most likely be "more retarded" or a phrase, "just-plan-fucking-hopeless."