Though this isn't the cheeriest of titles I can come up with, I do admit that after counting-down the remaining seconds of 2012, I did feel quite an amount of relief: 2012 was a weird year, and though I'm usually pretty laid-back about things and can remember quite a lot of joyous occasions towards the end of the year, it seems like I did have quite a load to get off my chest from the year that was.
Admittedly, 2012 was the year when I realized that I was no longer entitled to certain liberties – in short, I feel that I had to act my age for most of the year. I actually quit drinking for most of 2012, seriously realized and reminded myself that I wasn't invincible and watched my health, and for the most part, avoided lashing-out with my trademark acid tongue and kept silent, and dealt with shit on my own. As much as I have prided myself in being a tactless, show-no-mercy kind of dude who willingly shoots his mouth off during any occasion, I'm pretty sure I've learned to simply shrug and mumble a "fuck-it" even when it seems the sky is crumbling down and things are going haywire. Without going into details, I've pretty much behaved myself... I've pretty much decided to let shit run its course and not fight whatever it is out there that's bigger than me and my situation/s.
Don't get me wrong though... there's still that hankering to lash out. I mean, in a world that revolves around sarcastic facebook statuses and twitter posts that reveal a bit too much, it can be tempting to fucking pretend that people actually DO care about what's happening to my day/s. I honestly think that that's the biggest lie anyone can ever tell themselves: that fucking one man's problems will bring the world to a halt... that I am special enough for the world to care. I have my friends to thank for that – the constant reminder that the world will go round despite whatever trivial matters there are to deal with. I mean, the fucking Mayans said the world would end, but it didn't... I think that is proof enough that there are other more pressing matters to deal with. That the world does not revolve around one person, or thing, and that what is destined to happen, will happen.
With that, I decided to start writing again... I figured it would be a good way to exorcise my demons (or as my blog title suggests, the voices in my head) whenever I come across something that either excites or upsets me. I used to have a blog, and even though a lot of sincere emotions and great stories were the entries, I guess it felt kind of retarded to me that I was purely writing about myself, or anything that strictly involved myself. I guess I decided to stop writing shit because I felt that there was so much other shit to write about, and that I simply failed to acknowledge what else was going on; of course, I do have my opinions and there's nothing in the world like venting-out online about whatever emotional state I was in during those years, but looking back on what I wrote, it seemed that I was only concerned about writing about myself. It seems like I want to write about other stuff too. Because when you write about other stuff, you learn about other stuff: people, places, events... everything. I guess now, more than ever, I realized that shit isn't always about you; there's more to life than drama or infinite sadness. There's always something more to life than... life.
Anyway, here I am again... in a bedroom, in the ungodly hours of the morning of the new year, in the middle of nowhere, with only the silent roar of the airconditioner and the voice inside my head keeping me company. Only this time, the voice is louder, clearer, and willing to listen to what my voice says.
It's going to be quite another year.
Happy new year friends... from me, and the voice inside my head. Cheers. We made it.
After all these years, forget about all the troubled times...
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