It may be funny. Or it may be entertaining. Or it may be too self-serving. It may be meaningless. It may be all that. Or not. Fact is, if you’re reading this, you are probably as bored as we are.By Joey Dizon and Jade Maravillas
you see, when you're used to throwing big parties overflowing with alcohol and what-not every year on your birthday, you sort of start to get tired of it. not that any of it hasn't been fun and worth it, but it seems that this year, because there was a lot to get done and i've been a little busy with work and the band, i started to miss doing shit for fuck's sake. i mean, there's nothing that beats doing shit for... er, shit. doing stuff mainly because you want to, having no purpose whatsoever, having no reward, but just being able to say "godammit i'm doing this!" for the sheer humanity of it.
well there is something better: doing whatever with someone who knows what it's all about. yeap, as the title reveals, i got in touch with my BSB Fan Club co-founder Jade, sent her a shitload of questions that would undoubtedly keep her from getting any real work done for at least thirty minutes, and bugged her to do this with me. why? i have no idea. it could be because i miss hanging out with her a lot, or it just could be that it made sense to bug someone on the opposite side of the world since bugging just anyone who's in the country is easy as shit.
but honestly, i think i chose her simply because. so read 'em and weep, guys, girls and gays. this is what us professionals do while you're all concerned with matters of great consequence.
Q: First of all, how the hell did you two meet… and how did you sustain a rare, above-average diplomatic relationship between two human beings? (known as “friendship” to others, but sounds way cooler that way… and less gay)
Jade: He had me at “hellow poh.” In all seriousness, it was 2004, I was a mere publicist for Sony Music and he was a mere Managing Ed for Pulp. I like the word mere. It’s like the French word for shit if it lost a D. Oh sorry, back to Joey (although there’s a word somewhere in that previous sentence that I associate with him…) French? Joey? I think you’re better at this than me.
Joey: Yes, i think it was 2004. I was literally sleepless (as usual), and she dragged my ass to the then-Sony BMG office for a 6 a.m. phone interview with Slipknot. I knew there was something different about Jade because not even the fucking second coming could drag me out of bed that early. you know us blasphemers, we only come out at night. then strangely, it all worked out. or so we think it did.
Q: What was the first statement that popped in your head after spending 5 minutes with each other?
Jade: "Oh My Fucking God. he’s like, the coolest guy, like, I’ve ever met. I’m sleepy – I need coffee… coffee…"
Joey: "So... this is Jade from Sony. Why is she up this early? Fucking weird, man."
Q: Which musicians or what bands were the first you both liked?
Jade: Did we bond over BSB right away or was it Bloc Party? Kidding… I introduced him to Mae, he introduced me to Copeland, and it’s been true love ever since.
Joey: I think we both pretended to like Slipknot first. was a work thing. But yeah, the Backstreet Boys could have been it. She tried in vain to get me to listen to Jamie Cullum and other crap like that. But yeah, the Mae bit stuck to me, and the Copeland thing was a sign she was worth the time. And that we were both into gay music.
Q: What are you doing now?
Jade: Eating microwaved porkchop with whole wheat bread. Not kidding. I forgot to cook rice for lunch.
Joey: Smoking away, and working on an ice-cold bottle of Coca Cola and staring at a half-slice of Sbarro white pizza. Yeah i'm sure it seems gross and fattening to all of you, but you probably want it as bad as i do. mind your own business. can't you see me and jade are eating?
Q: What was the first band you both hated? Why? Please do not hold back, and feel free to use expletives if needed.
Jade: Skychu… oh wait sorry. BOTH of us hated? Hmmm that’s a toughie. Do we abhor any musical group collectively? Because I know you hate Bloc Party and I abso-fuckin-lutely love them. In fact I’m going to be spending a few hundred $ to see them at VFest in September. No shit.
Joey: Oooohhh... hehe, i sense somebody hates the fact that i hate bloc party. very mature. let's see... we both didn't care for much a lot of local mainstream bands here right? i think we both hate bloc party dude... so save your money. you just haven't realized that i'm right about them and you're, er... not right. but i am pretty sure i am right to say we both probably hate that god-awful nu-metal band disturbed, right? fucking sucks eggs man. trust me on this.
Q: What is your opinion of the Backstreet Boys? What is the real reason Kevin left?
Jade: We are co-presidents of the BSB Friends Forever Fan Club. (insert picture below for proof) Kevin left because he decided to move to Manila and spend the rest of his life with a certain Jose Dizon. (insert picture below for proof)
Joey: They're a great band man. honestly. we saw 'em when they were here in manila. nick said "hi" to me and that was great. it could have been he was saying "hi" to the girl with big boobs sitting behind me, but it felt like he was saying "hi" to me. so there. jade was lucky enough to be within a few feet. i was about ten feet away. boo.
Q: Seen a good film recently? Tell us about it. Or better yet, go straight to the ending.
Jade: Last movie I saw was Sex and The City. Shut up, I’m a girl. Big leaves Carrie for me.
Joey: Sex and the City?!! Jeez, alright, i'll shut up... but jeez. Fucking Iron Man for me man. Juhhhhn, jen, jun-jen-jen. Jen-jun-jen-jun-jen-jun- juhn- juhn- jen-jen!!! everybody now!!! Say you love satan!!! Been meaning to watch Kung Fu Panda... just meaning.
Q: Which gigs you both went to ended up being great ones? There probably aren’t a lot, but feel free to share… not because anybody cares, but because you can.
Jade: Hands down, BSB and Gary V (separately though) in Araneta Coliseum. The fulfillment of childhood dreams for the both of us. Maaan if I was home for Thursday that would have been another great one!!! And if you were here for Smashing Pumpkins, Rise Against, Mae… that would be sicccckkkkk.
Joey: Yeah, it'd have to be those two. i think they were the only twp shows we went to together... ah no wait! we did go to Good Charlotte, but technically that was work. and i wasn't shrieking like a girl at that one. Gary V was fun, it was also pretty memorable coz i think i sort of knew it would be the last concert we'd get to catch before yo left. Tama ba? or am i just being overdramatic about things again? anyway, i remember you couldn't finish the show and after i saw you off, the guard at the araneta center came up to me and said "ser, bakit 'di man lang tinapos ng kasama mo 'yung concert?" of course, i didn;t have a fucking answer so i blew smoke in his face.
i have since stopped going to concerts and having fun since you left. ay wait, loko lang. ano ako, gago? hehehe Thursday was great! so was Shadows Fall! you should have been here man. But then again, you got to see the Pumpkins, so i guess, i should have been there.
Q: What do you do for a living?
Jade: In all honesty, since most people don’t know who I am (but know who Joey Dizon is coz he’s populars like that) I used to be International Label Manager for Sony BMG in Manila and a part-time publicist. Now I work for Universal Music Canada’s Quebec distribution company DEP as Sales and Marketing Coordinator, I’m also a writer and photographer here in Toronto.
Joey: I piss people off for a living. Some people call me Editor-In-Chief, but most people just think i'm an arse. at least i'm not gay or shit like that. i also have a band... not that anyone out there cares or so. we're releasing an album soon, and jade's part of it, believe it or not.
Q: These gas prices, huh?
Jade: Who cares. I take the subway.
Joey: Yeah, tell me about it. oh, the other day, i just found out that i didn't give a flying fuck. life's never fair so quit your whining.
Q: Who among the two of you would probably win in a thumb-wrestling contest?
Jade: Thumb-wrestling??? Mud-wrestling!!! Oh bad visual…
Joey: I would. dude, have you seen me? i'd feel pretty embarassed losing to Jade. but then again, i remember her thumbs being extra buff. or were they someone else's thumbs?
Q: When will it all end?
Jade: That’s exactly what I’m thinking Joey… I have 5 more pages to answer???
Joey: the aztecs say 2012. i say: give me all your money and worship me. yes jade, you will answer every question i have sent you. cause you said you would.
Q: Which are cuter: a) puppies, b) kittens, c) bear cubs?
Jade: Kittens. Joey: Bear cubs man. Puppies and kittens don't have the ability to rip your head off when you're up to no good, pare.
Q: Describe Bloc Party.
Jade: Bloc Party is the greatest and most innovative band in the history of mankind because they have a black guy and an Asian guy. Yay.
Joey: Bloc Party is the musical equivalent of gayness. watching them is like watching a benetton ad... a gay benetton ad. why do i hate them so much? because i can. any guy who dances and calls himself a rock star should be shot in the streets.
Q: Was The Smashing Pumpkins reunion and album a good idea?
Jade: How can you call it a reunion if you only have 2 of the original members in the band??? Unless you’re Simon and Garfunkel. Or Hall and Oates.
Joey: Yes, anything they do is good. even if it's...bad. How can it not be? If you ask me, they're the shit. Plus, they also had an asian guitarist... once. If jade comes home, i'll immediately start plans for a SMashing Pumpkins tribute band. i'd be Billy Corgan of course, since i'm bald, and Jade could be Ginger Reyes/D'Arcy, since she looks as good as they do. plus she'll have to learn bass since i already know how to play guitar. so yes, my answer would be yes.
Q: So, come here often?
Jade: What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
Joey: No, only when i'm fucking hostile and kicking your teeth in.
Q: Did you know that on average, women say 7,000 words per day, and men manage just over 2,000 words?
Jade: (blank) Joey: No shit? whoever the hell told you i cared? if you ask me, EVERYBODY talks too damn much.
Q: What’s your favorite Bible verse?
Jade: The Lord Is My Shepherd (Psalm 23) because I won a speaking competition at 3 years old, I memorized the whole thing. That’s right. I was a Promil kid.
Joey: "Do what thou wilt shall be the mote of the law." Oops, sorry wrong bible... it'd have to be "All these things I will give You, if You fall down and worship me." pretty gnarly, climactic shit, if you ask me. but then Jesus declined. he got the cross for it.
Q: If money was no object, what gift would you give Joey/Jade next Christmas? Of course, it’s impossible, but it’d be nice to think of now, wouldn’t it?
Jade: I doubt if I can top what I gave Joey last year but I think he’d like two pairs of Puma Clydes in black and dark blue. O, ha. Next next year na lang yung kotse.
Joey: i'd start off with a private jet so that she could do her travelling shit and work and at the same time, have no excuse not to visit. then it'd probably be some camera i'd know nothing about so she could do the pictures-thing. then maybe a bass guitar for our Smashing Pumpkins/Hale tribute band. why the special gifts? coz she gave me the best gifts last year.
Q: Do ants fart?
J: What The Fuck?
Joey: Probably. I know they're made of vinegar or some shit like that.
Q: What ever happened to Glenn Medeiros?
Jade: He’s now living in Hawaii (yes, we’ve kept in touch because nothing’s gonna change my love for…)
Joey: hung out with Bobby Brown too much. he's probably singing "she ain't worth it now" and is as high as as a fucking kite.
Q: Choose: a week on the beach, countryside, or massage parlor?
Jade: Massage parlor only if my tour guide is the great “direk” RA Rivera.
Joey: massage on the beach for one week. then after that, i'd jump in the water to end it all.
Q: Top five ballads. Go.
Jade: Too many to mention. Sorry Joey I don’t make lists unlike you.
Joey: Boo, Jade, Boo! 1) "Sana Maulit Muli" by Gary Valenciano. 2) "Hanggang Ngayon" by Kyla. 3) "Miss You Like Crazy" by Natalie Cole. 4) "Never Let You Go" by faith Evans, and 5) "You Got It All" by The Jets. Easy as a shit-pie.
Q: Top three Boyz II Men songs. Go.
Jade: Okay maybe I can attempt to answer this. “Doin Just Fine”, “One Sweet Day”, “On Bended Knee”, “A Song For Mama” and “Can You Stand The Rain”. I had to go with 5, BIIM are awesome.
Joey: i'm gonna have to go with the mainstream hits on this one Jade. They're pretty much the reason how i found out about them anyway: 1) End of the Road. 2) "Four Seasons of Loneliness" because Shawn;s falsetto lines are simply da shit. and 3) "On Bended Knee" because they sound like they're all dying in the end.
Q: Top 2 boy band songs. Go. And top 2 worst boy band songs. Go.
Jade: Best: “Until The Time Is Through” by 5ive, “The Day We Find Love” by 911... Oh my god! there’s just too many to mention!!! Worst: there are no bad boy band songs. Even the really bad ones are just so darn good.
Joey: hmm...5ive! impressive, impressive, i must say. your knowledge of boybands amazes me. but i'll have to go with 1) "All or Nothing" by O-Town. i mean, "i've had the rest of you, now i want the best of you?!!!" fuck that's so motherfucking nasty! and they were loud n' proud about being a manufactured group. that took some balls. for my number two choice, i dunno... i'll probably have to go with "Freaky Time" by Point Break. and you're right, you can't go wrong with boy band songs. they sound good even when they're crappy.
Q: Imagine yourself looking into the mirror. What’s the first question on your mind?
Jade: Is that a new pimple? Wait are we getting Boy Abunda-ish here???
Joey: "Since when did i get a fucking mirror?"
Q: Quote a favorite line from a song a lot of people know. Or maybe three favorite lines… so that even people with no taste in music have a shot.
Jade: "I never had a dream come true, till the day that I found you…"
Joey: "Auschwitz, the meaning of pain, the way that i want you to die/slow death , immense decay, shadows that cleanse you of your life/ Surgery, with no anesthesia..."
Q: If you had an album, independent release or major label release?
Jade: Indie for distribution under a major. Naks.
Joey: Same here. Jade will probably be the only person to give it the time of day, so sige... fight.
Q: Usher or Justin Timberlake?
Jade: Usher circa 2004
Joey: Usher. Then he'd jam with Justin circa N'Sync.
Q: New hoodie or new sneakers? Why? Are you sure?
Jade: New sneakers to add to my growing collection (27 as of last count). I only have 2 hoodies. Yes I’m sure.
Joey: Hoodie. Guys need an average of about 4.5 pairs of shoes. anything more than that is just plain gay.
Q: What do you think of basketball?
Jade: Overrated.
Joey: retarded. ten guys fighting and sweating like pigs over one ball. why not just buy one each and leave each other alone since they all get such humongous paychecks?
Q: Describe the perfect meal. We’re talking drool-worthy.
Jade: I’ve had a lot of 5-star, gourmet dishes in my life but the only meal that’s ever given me a foodgasm (that I still remember) was roadside roast chicken with sticky rice in Krabi, Thailand. YUUUUMMM!
Joey: The lobster main course in Skoshi Koom in Okinawa, Japan. Lemon butter, perfect stuffing... has been almost two decades since i've had it, but i remember vividly how good it tasted.
Q: Coke or Pepsi? You can’t answer neither. Why? Because.
Jade: Coke.
Joey: Coke. Pepsi is for mormons and morons. Plus Coke is devilishly good because it's red. you figure it out.
Q: Vanilla or chocolate?
Jade: Chocolate.
Joey: Vanilla. Makes everything happier and sweeter. Chocolate's overrated.
Q: Would you be willing to trade jobs?
Jade: And deal with the hate-mail??? No thank you.
Joey: Nah... then Jade would be stuck in the Philippines and I'd be in Canada. Ganun din, so wag na lang. sniff*
Q: Tell us about your worst experience riding a cab.
Jade: Intramuros, 2002. Let’s just say there was drugs involved, and not involving the passengers.
Joey: Two nights ago. there were no drugs, but there was the driver's bodily gases and a good, strong aircon unit involved. oh and he tried to ask for an extra fifty bucks. i could have killed him. i really could. what stopped me? knwoing that the rest of his life would be miserable and that he'd die as a lonely fuck.
Q: Life. Ain’t it a bitch?
Jade: And then you die.
Joey: hey, don't look at me... i wasn't the one who said "love thy neighbor and be all groovy and shit to each other."
Q: If you were to be jailed for life, what law would you be least regretful of breaking?
Jade: The law of physics
Joey: hehe good one, Jade. i dunno... the law of gravity? i know, i know, tis lame. but this is my blog, so if you think it's lame you're very much welcome to get the fuck out of here and read someone else's blog you fucking internet geek. i'll kill your family. all of your families!!! whoops, sorry, i get upset sometimes... it's just these... voices... inside... my...head. they're calling me... vincent? is that you VINCENT?!!!
Q: Describe music to a deaf person. Yeah, it’s a stupid, cheesy question, but answer it.
Jade: Music pays my bills. Yes, that’s true, and that’s a clever way of avoiding getting cheesy with this question.
Joey: music is the stuff that makes your crotch go insane yet is perfectly legal and moral, even to the most devout catholic or jesus-freak.
Q: Which celebrity is hot? Which celebrity is not?
Jade: Oh you know who I just discovered yesterday? This Pinoy guy Vincent Bueno who won the Austrian talent show. He is HOT!!! Who’s not? Half the people in local showbiz who just get by on their questionable mestizo facades. I dare not name names not because I’m scared but because my lunch break is almost over and enumerating each and every person is just going to take time folks.
Joey: i dunno. locally, i'd say... hmmm... i'll go with... nobody. but Elisha Cuthbert really got to me in "Girl Next Door." i wanted to kill myself after watching that. but i didn't.
Q: If they made your life into a movie, how long would it be? And yes, yes, who would play you?
Jade: The standard 1.25 hours because anything resembling 2 hours makes it qualify as an epic movie and I spend half my time stalking other people’s blogs anyway so those can be chucked on the editing board. Who would play me? An Asian Scarlett Johanssen, because according to Francis “Koks” Reyes I remind him of her. Nakampuch walang bayad yun ha. If she’s not available according to Yael Yuzon back in 2005 I remind him of Elisha Cuthbert in “The Girl Next Door”. Patay. Yan na. Porn star. Who do you think would play me Joey?
Joey: wow, Elisha Cuthbert playing you... that would be great. my movie would be like fucking 24 hours long. it'd be my entire life story. the young joey would be played by the kid in "The Sixth Sense." then the teenager Joey would be played by Dave Navarro. Then the present-day Joey would be played by Kenan Thompson (of Nickelodeon's "Kenan and Kel") then the old me would be played by Al Pacino circa "Scent of a Woman."
Q: If your life was made into a book, who would you authorize to write it?
Jade: Jose “Joey” Dizon III
Joey: i dunno. i'd write it myself to save money.
Q: What’s the story behind your Hale cover-band?
Jade: Our honest shared love for Hale’s first eponymous album, our excellent cover of “The Day You Said Goodnight” including harmony (!!) and wanting to have Omni as our drummer. Oh yes, sober Saguijo nights brings out our creative best.
Joey: Good ol' fashioned boredom, if you ask me. yes it's funny, not a single drop of alcohol when it happened... so you could just begin to imagine what could of happened if we WERE drinking... we'd probably be rich rockstars now.
Q: What is the capital of Turkey?
Jade: Ankara. One of my best friends grew up here.
Joey: ask Jade.
Q: What do you do when you have no money?
Jade: Hustle
Joey: be a prick. oh wait... i do that ALL the time. so... i dunno. i whine?
Q: Favorite alcoholic drink?
Jade: BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joey: Depends. Jim Beam is really starting to become my favorite. But yeah, i would probably just drink beer if Jade was around. she already knows too much about me.
Q: Sausage, Pepperoni or Veggie?
Jade: Sausage party!
Joey: eeeewwwwww! now that just spoiled it for everyone now, didn't it Jade? Ugh. Disgusting.
Q: React to the following: a) Madonna. b) Christianity. c) Socks.
Jade: a) ang ganda ng lola mo! b) I’m a devout Catholic so nothing offensive to write here, let’s leave that to Joey c) I only loved socks when I moved to Toronto. Socks keep my feet warm in the winter. I don’t mind getting socks for Christmas anymore. Socks are <3.>
Joey: a) not bad for someone who's been in the music business for more than three decades now. b) the best business in the world. c) whatever people say, white ones rock harder than black ones.
Q: Top three reasons it sucks that you’re in different countries.
Jade: No more 2 hour-long coffee breaks. *sniff sniff*
Joey: 1. no more 2-hour long coffee breaks too. 2. no more going to other people's offices and prying through their CD collections and what-not. 3. no more fun. period.
Q: Willy Reviallame. Hero of the masses?
Jade: Is he still alive? I don’t get TFC here.
Joey: Stupid. Just plain stupid.
Q: What would you name your new pet? Seriously.
Jade: I don’t want to think of pets right now (I’m still in mourning)
Joey: new kitten? Mittens. new puppy? George. new bear cub? Bear Bear.
Q: Up all night? Or early to bed, early to rise?
Jade: Sleep all day!
Joey: up all night. don't ask why. some call it guilt. i call it "caffeine."
Q: Which is scarier: vampires or werewolves? Which would you, if needed, rather go up against?
Jade: I think vampires are sexxxy. You don’t see emo kids calling themselves werewolves. And I think emo kids are the sexxx. *barfs*
Joey: scared like a bitch of both. i'd probably freeze if i saw any of 'em. it'd be a really pathetic death... without a fight, screaming like a faggot.
Q: Which would you rather be true: ghosts or aliens?
Jade: Santa Claus!
Joey: Me too! Me too! ok lang kung ghost basta si Casper. or si Patrick Swayze. The he could slap some sense into demi moore.
Q: Make a haiku about Joey/Jade. Or make up something that rhymes. Doesn’t have to be good.
Jade: Joey joey boboney bananafanafofoney
Joey: wish jade was here. then give me money. lots. and hoodie. beautiful blue sky meets red sun and resilient bamboo and japanese lantern and gyoza and shit like that. that haiku-ish enough?
Q: Is it just me, or is it you?
Jade: It’s just you and me baby.
Joey: Oo nga e.
Q: Best hotel you’ve stayed in?
Jade: Hotel Intercontinental in Sydney and Gallery Hotel in Singapore.
Joey: The Courtyard by Marriott Shanghai in Pudong, China. I don't know... being at the penthouse for an entire week was just magical. made me think about a lot of things. really.
Q: Best place you’ve been to?
Jade: I left my heart in Melbourne and I’m coming back to get it.
Joey: it's a toss between China and Singapore. I was too young to enjoy California, and like i said, i found out about a lot of things in China... it was the saddest and the happiest i had ever been outside Manila. Singapore was just great coz i close to three thousand US dollars in my pocket and was buying everything is sight for fuck's sake. it made me feel... okay. ha! money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a lot of cool stuff. and know... it did not make me feel empty inside. so there. take that you jesus-freaks!
Q: Where do you find peace?
Jade: Spending a day with myself. Eating alone, walking around alone, taking pictures – perfect day. I also found peace on top of Pre Rup (Angkor, Siem Reap, Cambodia), Easter Sunday, 2007.
Joey: I'd have to agree with Jade. eating, traveling and walking around alone. sure it's sad sometimes, but it seems i've learned to like it that way. wouldn't mind it if Jade went home once in a while and joined me for a reasonable japanese meal from time to time, though. whaddayasay Jade? your treat. sagot ko soy sauce.
Q: Last time you cried so hard it was pathetic?
Jade: Last week when I had to give my cat back to the Humane Society. I still don’t want to talk about it.
Joey: Ex-girlfriend thing. Same here. I still don't want to talk about it.
Q: For or against?
Jade: Rise Against!
Joey: Now we're talking! Rise Against! Fuck yeah!
Q: Politics or showbiz?
Jade: Is there even a difference?
Joey: Yes, there is. Celebrities are paid more. people are actually stupid enough to hand over their money. Politicians are just plain thieves.
Q: Worst thing you ever saw in your entire life?
Jade: Human roadkill
Joey: People killing dogs, cats and seals for fun. People and cockroaches should be killed for fun, not harmless animals.
Q: Finished?
Jade: HOORAY!
Joey: Oh i'm just getting warmed-up...
