"I used to long for time alone
I used to long for a place of my own
and I'm losing faith in everything
I'm lost, so lost, i'm lost at sea, you'll see...
I used to long for broken bones
I used to long for a casket to call my own
I never had a problem facing fear
but I'm done, over and dumb my dear...
Oh mercy me
God bless catastrophe
There's no way in hell
We'll ever live to see through this
So drive yourself insane tonight..."
sometimes, i wonder... are people just so really full of themselves that they have to fucking rant about their problems all day long, and NOT follow your honest advice? are people simply always looking for the "right answer" and when you hand them the honest answer, they immediately think you're an asshole? is it a fact that whenever you try to reach out and be a nicer person that you'll end up getting fucked up the arse by someone who obviously couldn't give a good god damn about the word "decency?"
not too hard to conjure up images of people you've encountered, huh?
well, all this ranting, is not about being righteous. i could fucking be just as guilty as all these people are, but doesn't it get to you on some days? i mean, as bad as it may sound, i could fucking care less about whoever, whenever, and whatever. but why do fucking morons and idiots expect me to have the answer to the perennial question 'why me?!'
the answer to it is quite simple, lads and lasses, and everyone in between.
shit happens.
the solution?
deal with it, fuckers.
i think that there's no such thing as a problem that can't be solved.
there are just people who can't accept the fact that every once in a while, the dumb bug bites 'em big time.
it's never a crime to be stupid. it's a crime to say that you never were. and it's even worse to blame somebody else for it.
i mean, do people still actually think that other people can dictate what they feel? do people still believe that another person can actually control you, or how you act, or feel?
i'm pushing the envelope a bit here, but i mean, if you let a person dictate how bad you should feel, then by all means, you deserve to suffer.
either i gotta stop drinking or i gotta start slapping more people in the face.
as you can tell, i'm not the cheeriest of the bunch right now. so go to hell. fuck you and your college dream. when all this is over... i'll still be better than you are.
sincerely,
god
p.s. oh yeah, i'm dead by the way. that nietzche dude said so. quite a character. obviously had a better life than you did, you miserable fuck.
"Send us back to hell, we've had our fill of heaven... give us back our sins, the deadly one through seven Keep us from their hearts, saving us like ashes... Cut us down with dust, never trust in anything we're told." -Alkaline Trio though i find that my book collection is growing, i'm a bit frustrated with the fact that i can hardly make time to read. aside from my regular subscription to guitar world, i've been getting really great hardbound and paperback titles, including Lords of Chaos: The Rise of the Bloody Satanic Underground (which is a book that chronicles the past and present of the black metal underground...), The 100 Greatest Guitar Solos (which is pretty self-explanatory) and even an elusive copy of The Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor LaVey. in reading, i find myself vastly entertained, especially if it's material i'm fascinated with and am eager to learn about. i mean, there's definitely nothing wrong with added knowledge right?
but there are some things you don't learn from books. needless to say, you learn shit from other people. people you might even call your closest friends. it's funny because it used to be that the reason why you'd hang out with buddies is because you all wanted to avoid learning; avoid responsibility; or anything that would be productive for that matter.
and over the past two weeks, i've been given many opportunities to hang out with buddies and enjoy quips or two (or three) that are both amusing and in a sick way or two, teach me something, whether about life or, well, other people. Some of 'em are just outright mean, but hey, the funniest lines are never nice.
check them out. they're absolutely priceless. and entertaining. i have such great friends.
10. "Dapat kaya mong basagin sarili mo. 'Pag 'di mo kayang basagin sarili mo, olats ka mehn."
9. "I'm going crazy... no wait, I'm eccentric pala, because I have money. Only poor people are crazy."
8. "Fuck the mature thing to do. It's never fun... plus it gets you nowhere. So by all means, jack somebody else's shit. It'll make you feel better."
7. "Now what the fuck ever gave you the idea that I give a shit? So-fucking-what?"
6. "Acceptance is the anger and rage you fool yourself into believing in when you are no longer at liberty to pound someone's face in."
5. "Hope is the failure you choose to believe when you're left by yourself."
4. "It's your birthday today? Oh I didn't know that. Happy Birthday. You're not special. Where's the goddamned cake?"
3. "Why? I'll tell you why. Because... fuck you."
2. "People think I'm a fag? I guess that's okay... besides, they already think I'm an asshole, so what could be worse?"
1. "Tanga ka ba? O pinag-eensayuhan mo ba 'yan?"
"so there goes my life/my body aches, and it hurts to sing and no one is moving/ and i will see you again, a long time from now..."
- City and Colour
it was a great run. though i choose to be completely oblivious to the reason why great things must cease, i guess whoever designed this whole existence thing must have included it in the package of life and learning. i will forever be grateful for the years of playing, of developing who i am as a person and musician and i will forever be their greatest fan. there may be more in store for me and the dela cruz brothers, but there will always be a void, knowing that we are now cautiously contiuing to take different steps as individuals. though we will always know where each of us are, it's sad realizing that we will no longer be able to share the stage collectively. not in the near-future, needless to say. the best times in my life and the most meaningful experiences i have endured happened while i was holding a guitar and going completely insane onstage with robert, russell and rommell. i thank them for making me part of their family. as a unit, we are all thankful. for the strength we've gained and the lessons we learned will forever guide us back to who we are and where we come from. and for the memories of many understanding as much as we did. that is one thing we can never lose, forget nor abandon.
hazed, wasted and blown away.
