Let Me Know When It's Christmas

i have a bit of a love/hate relationship with the christmas season in manila.

i remember when i was a kid growing up in Okinawa, Japan, that christmas was always something i looked forward to. to sum up all the small details, it was always an all-american christmas for me between the ages of kindergarten and the fourth grade... we lived on-base so i was surrounded by mostly american people, save for the handful of asian/mexican/black american people who also had parents in the service. i knew nothing about the Philippines and its holiday traditions, so christmas meant wearing sweaters and my pajamas all throught the entire day, waking up to the smell of hot cocoa and hefty breakfasts which consisted mainly of waffles, breakfast sausages, ham, bacon and marmalade, and sitting near the christmas tree and flicking the ornaments while i watched cartoons all day. my mom must've loved it too, since i wasn't the pain in the ass brat that i was: lost in my cartoon world, watching the chipmunks and charlie brown christmas specials for the nth time, quiet... thinking nice thoughts. in fact, we all weren't morons: my sister, my dad... we all had our little personal quiet times during the days before christmas, and we unconcsciously made it a point to be... well, good. we each had stockings even though we didn't have nor need a fireplace, and they were all overflowing with gifts and candy and all that nice shit.

but then we all grew older. and after my dad retired from the military, we all came home here.

you see, it's not that i've never had a great christmas here in the RP. it's just that, maybe, i guess people tend to hang on a little too tight to the best memories. you can't blame us for that.

anyway, i've been here for a hell of a long time... and i've adjusted quite well, in the sense that no one would mistake me for being an american citizen or would think that i never spoke filipino or spent my childhood travelling. but it seems i've never been able to experience that magic i remember so vividly during those times overseas. i dunno, maybe it's because the christmas season there wasn't so extended... compared to manila where the -ber months signal the start and the end of the first week of january signals the end of the holiday season. i mean, maybe it's because there's so much pre- and post- partying that the actual day ends up being a day to sleep-in. i dunno.

all i know is i'd give anything to feel those magical moments again. i'm seriously considering spending christmas next year somewhere else; in a different country maybe. i know it'll be sad, and i know i'll miss the RP once i'm there counting down the seconds on christmas eve, but maybe that's what i need: the feeling of actually wanting...longing to spend christmas here. fuck, i might as well join the other hardworking OFWs abroad. they seem to be having the most fun every christmas here in our country.

regardless of whatever i said above, i guess the feeling just weirds me out. that ol' bittersweet tingling and tugging at the heartstrings. considering that i love the fact that it's nice and cold and that i've gotten a shitload of great stuff already and that everybody's at least TRYING not be as moronic as they normally are (save for, again, the bus drivers and jeepney drivers who cause traffic till midnite on EDSA, and the asshole cab drivers who don't give you change because, er, its christmas...), christmas is just, plain... lonely, in more ways than one. think of it as a yin-yang thing: in our happiness, we remember the sad stuff. in finding comfort and warmth with the people around us, we suddenly miss those who cannot be beside us. in receiving great gifts, we're somehow reminded that there are thousands starving, for either material shit or, well, acceptance.

call me cynical, call me crazy, whatever. all i know is, Hallmark must make a killing out of people like me. there's always that one, perfect and ridiculously over-priced card for every occassion... even bittersweet christmases.

so what is there to do? nothing. i ain't crazy enough to go out and buy a shotgun and blow my brains out.

but it somehow makes sense for me to go out and buy a shotgun and blow somebody ELSE'S brains out.

ho-fucking-ho.


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so in an attempt to combat this boredom and general unproductivity, i present you my list for the day.

THE TOP 5 TANGIBLE THINGS I GOT (EITHER PARTLY OR ENTIRELY) BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS

1. a new guitar. even though i'm addicted to music and playing the guitar, i always believed that one is all any musician ever needs. but since i was feeling a tad fuzzy and generous, i made it happen so that i could get myself a new axe. a Paul Reed Smith. welcome to the family, you-expensive-piece-of-wood. you shall sit beside my main Ibanez RG470 axe, and my demonic 666 Gibson Nighthawk. now all i have to do is think of how i can make this PRS a servant of satan.

2. a new cellphone. i actually hate spending on cellphones. i mean, the most important thing is that i can call and send text messages, and have at least one mindless game installed so i can kill time when waiting for spectacularly late friends/bosses/clients, and during spectacularly boring meetings/dinners/sundays. but i decided to get a fancier unit this year, since the prices dropped because everybody and their fucking brother is buying a CP. i could've bought a decent guitar with the money i used to buy this new thingie... but oh well.... 'tis all good.

3. the more-than-usual-amount-of-cash. sudden bonuses. the fact that everybody's lazy so they throw extra jobs/tasks your way in exchange for the higher-than-usual honorarium. hell, even my band, Intolerant, is making money. i mean, i ain't rich by a long shot, but surprisingly, i've had fucking money in my wallet every fucking day for the past two months. wow, NOT finishing college and learning how to literally stay up for days is finally paying off. whoopty-fucking-do!

4. alcohol, mostly beer. my friends know me so well. i've gotten cases and cases of beer, bottles and bottles of red wine and shot glasses and coasters all that shit. and it isn;t even christmas yet. and wherever i go, when i see someone i know, a bottle or a shot glass is thrusted in my hands. fuck, no wonder everybody's nice. it's because everybody's drunk and out of their minds. which is...quite nice, actually...

5. a new hoodie. well, it might not seem so great for you guys (and gals) out there, but let's see you put on a hoodie in the middle of summer. it's just plain stupid. you wouldn't last 30 minutes with a hoodie onif christmas was in april. fucker.